Summertime!

Dear Bex,

Ah, yes, another two month lag.  I have to get back to shorter posts more often so that I don't get too backed up with memories!!

The past two months have been - in one word - incredible.  You are a child - not a baby - in every sense.  You talk to us constantly, way more than any of your friends.  You say hi to everything you see, ask about things around you, and you know exactly what it is you want at any given time, down to the exact book you would like to read (usually Mimi's Day or What I Like, which you call, "I Yike?"), or where you would like to drink your milk (cousssh?).

You are a daredevil, and love being swung higher on the swings than I would prefer, and being thrown in the air more than I'd prefer!  You had an amazing time on Father's Day at Lulu's house, when they set up their mini rollercoaster in the driveway.  You asked to go on it again and again, speeding over the bump and down  the rest of their driveway while giggling the entire way! It was so much fun to watch - and I look forward to watching you and The Daddy on real rollercoasters together one day (from the ground!!).

You have been amazing about learning to swim this summer, something that The Daddy and I are so relieved about.  We wanted you to be comfortable in the water, and signed you up for swim lessons to make sure that you would have the chance to get in a pool a few times this summer, not knowing when else we'd get you in before Georgia.  Well, little did we know, we've been in TONS of pools this summer - and luckily you took those lessons, because you love it!  We've been to the pool with Grandma and Grumpa (oh, excuse me, you're calling him Herbie these days, just like Grandma does!), and in Florida at Uncle Jay and Aunt Beth's, and at Lulu and Jason's pool club with Amanda and RyRy, and even went out to NayNay's parents' pool during a brutal heat wave after July 4th!  Every time you see a "simming cool" you get so excited.  You ask for your swimmy diaper (Dora diaps???) and your bathing suit (baby soooot?) and even your suntan lotion (yotiony baby?)!  Once you're set, you're all about walking right in - no adjustment time on the steps needed.  You're not in love with us dunking you, but you deal pretty well, and you love climbing the ladders and playing on the steps. I love watching you in the pool, and seeing how much fun you have splashing around.

This summer has meant lots of little trips to places like Philadelphia and Sesame Place, and Mimi and PopPop's and Grandma and Herbie's, and each time we (well, I guess it's really I) pack tons of toys and books and food and changes of clothes in case you are bored or upset or spit up like you used to.  But each time I come back with toys, books and changes of clothes that never made it out of the bag, because you are so happy and content wherever we go.  You go with the flow, eat when it's time to eat, sleep in cribs with your lovies surrounding you, and you just ARE.  It is so much fun, Baby Girl, and I love this time of your life.

I love when you repeat any and everything we say like a little parrot (yes, even the bad words.  The "oh $hit" when I splashed water in your eye while in the tub is my favorite to date).  I love when you laugh at something that happens, whether on TV, or that The Daddy or I did or said, or even yesterday when we were looking out our living room window (a favorite pastime of yours, as you stand on the ledge and look out at the driveway, street and front yard below us) and two small dogs were play fighting with each other.  I love when you say a word, we repeat it as a question to confirm we indeed understand what you want, and you say, "OK!" like we just came up with the best idea ever.  I love when you carry around a spoon and say that you just made soup and offer us bites, and your babies bites, and all of your stuffed animals bites.  I love when you sing the ABC's, or count to ten (in English or Spanish!), or sing Twinkle Twinkle with me, filling in the letters and words that you know.

I know this phase is probably short-lived, and you'll keep growing and changing and surprising us with new, fun and exciting phases in the years to come, but I can't imagine loving you more than I do right now.  My eyes well up constantly as I think about things that you say and do, and each night after one of us puts you to bed, we come out of your room, look at the other and frown.  It took me a while to realize what that was - if it was that we were sad you were not able to hang out with us longer that day, or that you're growing up, or that you were sad about going to sleep - but I realized that it's sadness that another day with you is over, and that we'll never get that time back.

We both love you so much, Baby Girl.

Love always,
Mommy

The New Reality

My baby girl... it's been too long since I've written here.  I have spent much of the last week or two reflecting on the past few months, realizing that this is our new life.  I have been waiting for things to calm down, for us to have some quiet time and lazy days so that I can write here, but the reality is - those don't exist anymore!

There are always things to do, errands to run, people who want to see us (well mostly you) and special occasions to celebrate.  There is always laundry to be done, meals to cook (though I've been bad about that too!), tidying up to accomplish and shopping lists to be made (and then handled!).

Those are the must do's - then there are the want to do's - the pictures to print out and upload to Facebook, the DVRd shows to watch (which do tend to take priority over the laundry, but oh well...), the catch-ups with friends, the drinks after work (admittedly, I make time there too!) and the blog posts to write.

On top of this, there is work, which has been overwhelming for Mommy for a little while now.  I have recently realized just how much all of these lists have taken over my life, and how much I'm simply not able to tackle it all. And realizing that I can't do it all has made me better at each part of it, and slowly I've come to embrace my new reality at home, and at work. But, that the most important thing on my to-do list - to be the best mama I can be, and the best wife I can be to The Daddy - will always take precedence over it all.

I take time every day to read books with you, teach you new words, try and get you to drink your milkies (which was NOT an easy feat when it came to giving up your bottles!) and learn to brush your teeth.  I make sure you eat fruits, vegetables, meat and drink lots of water on top of the puffs and Cheerios you love so much.  I walk around with you outside, showing you birds, ducks, the sky and the grass, and teaching you that it's okay to walk on the grass even though it feels different than the pavement (that took a little while too, my little urban girl!).  And I take you to check-ups where the doctor tells us how great you are growing, that you're tall for your age and verbally advanced and to the dentist who tells us she is always happy when first-time parents know to bring their child in around 1-year old.  And I tell you I love you 1,342,678,902 times a day, hug you even more times than that and kiss you even more than THAT.

You are the best little girl, Rebecca.  Happy, smiling, waving and saying hi to just about everyone you see.  You are a great eater (as made evident by your remarkable belly) and love to try new things, even if you do spit it out half a second later.  You love waffles for breakfast (most often saying "Mama! Dada! Waff!" when you first wake up) and bananas for snacks, along with the baby food pouches that you suck down all in one long sip. You love turkey and avocados and will eat every berry in the western hemisphere if we don't stop you.  And Dina's food is still your favorite - and your love for her trumps just about everything else.  Every day you ask for D, and can't stop smiling, pointing at her and saying hi when she arrives each morning!

On Monday you will be sixteen months old - it still boggles my mind that my love for you grows with each new day, and especially with each new month, that brings with it new milestones and new adorable things that you  say and do.  We went to the mall recently for pretty mcuh the first time, since you can now walk and aren't frustrated by needing to stay in the stroller.  You loved it, saying "ooooOOOOooooh" when we first arrived, and running on the patterns in the carpet with your cousin RyRy.  You loved shopping, and could identify so many things you know on shirts and products all around.  Then we went to Whole Foods, and you sat in the shopping cart loving the errands, and making them so. much. more. fun for me!

We are gearing up for an extra busy few weeks ahead, with trips to Philadelphia, Florida and Sesame Place (sidebar: OMG I can not wait to see you at Sesame Place.  You are obsessed with any and all things Sesame, yelling "Caca NOM NOM NOM" when you see cookie monster, a high pitched "hahaha" when you see Elmo, and know Zoe (ZO-ZO), Big Bird, Murray, Oscar and Grover too. It is going to be an amazing day!!).   And I can't wait to have these experiences with you, because you make everything we do better (see: mall and supermarket, above).

I love you, baby girl.

Love,
Mommy

Q1 '12

OK, so it's now been another huge chunk of time since I wrote to you Bex - nothing has eased up at all in the meantime!  Work has been super busy, I've been rushing home to you at night and then I collapse on the couch - there has been less cooking dinner and more ordering in, less productivity in the evenings and more spacing out on the couch, and our Fridays and weekends together? Less downtime, more WALKING!

Next week you turn 14 months old.  You are a walker now, pulling yourself up in the middle of the room and walking all around, often collapsing into our arms as your destination.  You are a talker, saying, "Hiiiii!" loudly and distinctly to just about everyone you see - strangers, family, The Daddy and I, doggies, trees... You also come out with new words all the time.  On Sunday after I told you that you were a good girl after I had changed your diaper, you looked at me and said "good girl!" (though it sounded more like gooo guuuuul) - and then repeated that over and over back to our table at the restaurant.  "Gooo guuuuul. Goooo guuuul!"  Then, this morning the Daddy asked how you slept, and you said, "Gooo!" You're really communicating with us, and it is so much fun.

Your repertoire of animal noises has grown, and you now include what Elmo says and what Cookie Monster says as part of it (Ha ha ha and Nom nom nom, respectively).  You know eyes and nose, and say and point to them all the time too.

And your eating - my goodness, you are a GOOD EATER my baby girl!  Baby food and formula no longer - it's anything and everything to eat, and soy milk in your bottles!  (Oh yeah, you're allergic to milk and eggs.  That was not a fun discovery, and it's been a little bit of a challenge to look at the ingredients of everything we buy for you and make sure there's no milk in it, but I'll do whatever it takes to make sure you never have hives like you did the first day we gave you whole milk in your bottles.)  You love things with strong flavors - Dina makes you chicken soup that you love, and her lentils are awesome too - you love pasta with meat sauce, and  have even gotten into the habit of eating all of our leftovers!

One day I gave you a bite of chicken with taco seasoning that Daddy and I had for dinner the night before, and you gobbled it up and wanted more! You ate a whole bunch of it! You love trying new things, and are very clear about letting us know if you don't like something by opening your mouth and letting it fall right out - and then not even considering trying it again.

You have had awesome playdates with all of your friends recently - with Neve at Sadie's house when she was visiting from London, with Max, Lilly and Marshall at the Silbermans, where your favorite playmate that day was Molly the dog! She would bark at you - a loud, startling noise, and you would CRACK UP - you absolutely loved it!

There have been crazy times recently too - Dina hurt her ankle, and had to stay home for a few days.  Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, Mimi and PopPop (sidenote, that's another word you came out with out of nowhere when they were over one day! He came in the door, you pointed and said "PopPop!" and now when they're here, it's all you say! It's so cute and I know it makes his day!!) all juggled taking care of you - and at the end of that week you got sick.  You had a high fever, were fussy and just generally not my happy baby girl. We thought it was an ear infection and put you on medicine and brought you to Neve's first birthday party.  You were a little fussy, but ate, watched the puppet show and played with the other babies.  The Daddy had you on his lap when you flailed your arms and poked him RIGHT in the eye!  He knew something was wrong immediately, and we had to leave to take him to the hospital! You cut his cornea, making him not be able to really see or even open his eye.  Then, the next night, we saw spots on you and freaked out - were you now allergic to penicillin too?? We went to the doctor (again - and the third mommy had seen that weekend, since the Daddy had to go to a special eye doctor) who said it was a viral rash, not allergy.  Phew! But - uh oh, you really shouldn't have been at that party!  And then you wouldn't have poked Daddy in the eye! And if Mommy was half as good at cutting your nails as Dina was, this probably wouldn't have happened at all! So - yeah a crazy week or two in there.  But all is now seemingly on the up and up...

And so is the weather! It is so nice out these days - we hardly had any snow at all, which is crazy! We've been taking walks on the weekends, and the past two Sundays have gone over to the swings at the end of the day - the perfect way to end our weekends together.  The three of us enjoying th eplayground - you the most though! When we're walking in that direction you can sense it, and as soon as the swings are in sight you start jumping up and down in your stroller! You are my little thrill seeker, and love when The Daddy and I push you so high on the swings, when he pops out and says "Boo!" to scare you, and going down the slides. That must come from your Daddy, because I get scared just watching you do all these things, never mind doing them myself...

Daylight savings just passed so it is staying lighter out longer.  Last night I brought  you outside after I got home from work, and you were walking up and down the path in front of our building with your walker - you loved it, and then I showed you The Daddy when he got out of the parking garage, and you (and he!) lit up.  It was exactly what I had pictured a year ago, when I would walk around with you outside in the evenings waiting for The Daddy to come home.  All of the kids in th ebuilding would be outside playing, and you were too little to even acknowledge them.  I can't wait for this Spring and Summer, when you run and play with them, the perfect way to end all of your days.

Happy Valentine's Day

I am mortified at how long it's been since I've written here.  I have been so busy at work, so when I get home at night and play with you for an hour then put you to bed, then think about, handle and eat dinner, I just collapse on the sofa and go to bed early.

I have missed documenting the holidays and New Year's Eve (you raked in the loot on Hanukkah and didn't wake up when The Daddy and I cheersed in your room at midnight on New Year's).

I have missed documenting your first birthday, which I will do soon because I can't not.  Suffice it to say for now it was the perfect day - other than it being the 1 out of 365 days that you decided not to take your AM nap!!

I have missed documenting your first steps, but have it on video that I will upload here soon!

I missed writing about your first haircut four days ago, when we gave you bangs that look a bit like a dork / hipster / Carol Brady.

But today is Valentine's Day, and my heart is overflowing with such love for you that I just had to come and write!  You are so. amazing.  You have grown up so much in the past two months, and that is also part of what has kept us so busy!  There's walking, talking, laughing and hardcore playing.  There are towers to be built with blocks, kitchens where you pretend to make soup, baby dolls to be fed with their tiny magic bottles, and endless foods to try!  You love every single fruit, but especially berries.  You love anything Dina makes, mostly lentils, chicken soup and pasta with turkey meat sauce.  And yesterday you apparently ate a FreshDirect Kids Meal that I had gotten myself for lunch, and loved their turkey meatloaf, maple mashed sweet potatoes, corn, carrots and peas!

You are funny, and so smart, and unbelievably adorable.  Your vocabulary is growing by the minute - today I heard baba for bottle, wawa for water / agua, cose for closed, and you're now constantly saying haiiiiiieeeeee for hi and bah-bye... there are animal noises galore of course too! My favorite is quack quack, which you do all the time.

You are my favorite thing, my favorite Valentine girl, and the best person to hang out with.



I love you so much, baby girl!

Reflections on the Past Year

Dear Bex,

As the year winds to a close, everywhere you turn there is reflection on the past year.  Best of lists, worst of lists, highlights and lowlights, compilations of movies, songs and TV shows.  For me, reflecting back twelve months is an entire slideshow of you and all that you have brought to my life.

It is you being born, growing, thriving and learning.  It is you sticking your tongue out at me when I would stick mine out at you, and then you smiling, giggling and babbling.

It is us cheering for you to roll over for the first time, you figuring out how to crawl, you standing and cruising.

It is you in your going home outfit, your tiny one-piece snap-up outfits that you wore for the first three months that were the bain of The Daddy's existence, your long-sleeved R E B E C C A onesie that I loved so much, and now the cutest damn outfits they make!

It is calling you Shorts, then Rebecca, then Bex, then Stinker, then any name under the sun that strikes my fancy at any given moment.

It is all the different formulas we tried, the trials and tribulations of our feeble attempt at breastfeeding, the first time we gave you cereal, and then our adventures into solid foods.

And it's a ton of drool, and spit-up, and pee, and poop, and snot, and vomit.

And so much love, and laughter, and hugging, and cuddling, and holding and staring in awe.

And I can't help but reflect on me.  I have changed so much in the past year.  The Dark Days - which I have been thinking about so much recently - are still so unbelievably fresh in my mind.  The way I felt, acted and thought make me so upset, and as I watch so many of our friends make their way happily through those first amazing few months as a new family with their tiny newborns, I get extremely sad that I don't really remember having that or feeling that way.  I so wish I remembered more of how you were then, but simply don't have those mental pictures. I remember feeling distant, anxious, sad and exhausted.  I remember not eating, not showering, not wanting to get out of bed.  I remember crying and I remember you crying too, and being paralyzed by that sound, wondering if it would ever end and if I'd ever be able to leave the house again.  I remember wanting to want to take care of you, but feeling like I was going through the motions of how to do so.  And I remember thinking that those feelings would never end.

And I remember the day that they did - when I suddenly found myself happy to come to you when you needed me, and singing little songs and rhymes to you.  I remember accomplishing things with my days, and meeting new moms out and about in Hoboken.  And I remember the day that I was first alone with you all day - the night before, I made the Daddy go out so that I could have a trial run at being your mommy - and it worked.  For a few hours, I took care of you by myself.  The fact that you were over two months old and I had barely done that makes me shake my head in awe, but at the end of the day, I am proud of myself for getting through what I did.  Plus, because of having gone through that, I am also hyper-sensitive to the needs of other new mommies, and would do anything to help them avoid feeling like I did.  And I plan to do something about it.

I used to be quite selfish, baby girl.  Maybe not obviously so, but I always thought of myself first (well, until I met The Daddy and then usually put him first) and was lazy as can be.  But you were born and now I really don't think that what I want matters much!  I want to make you the happiest girl in the world, and The Daddy the happiest man there ever was. I want to help other people, other new mommies and other babies.  I mean, sure, I still want to let myself have naps when I want, get manicures, and have a few fun nights out every now and then, but hey - that's not asking too much.

So this year, just as I was last year at this time, I am filled with wonder and excitement at what 2012 will bring.  2011 brought you - how could anything top that?

I love you, baby girl.

Love,
Mommy