Our Climb from the Darkness

Dear Bex,

Last weekend, we did our Climb from the Darkness.  At 6 PM  on Friday, June 21, the longest day of the year, you, The Daddy and I met up with Mimi, PopPop, Drew and Gabi and walked along the Hoboken waterfront.  You walked part of the way, ran part of the way, I pushed you in your stroller part of the way and you ate pretty much the whole way! We took tons of pictures, talked, looked at the amazing views of the NYC skyline and enjoyed the perfect summer evening weather. When we got back up to Maxwell Place Park we met up with Grandma and Grumpa and Aunt Judy for a picnic afterwards, during which you ate, ran, played on the playground, danced and were generally an overtired, hilarious entertainer!

 

It was an incredible night.  We raised more than $3,500 for Postpartum Progress, the reason that we walked.  I raised so much awareness even just among people I know about what I had been through. And I got to take time that night to think about how far I'd come.  I got to spend time with the people who helped me when I needed it most, and to celebrate our family and the hundreds of other women that were walking for that same reason.

I didn't make any kind of speech that night, and if I had would have surely found myself with tears streaming down my face.  But what I would have tried to say would have been:

Thank you. Thank you for coming to support me, our family, and Postpartum Progress.  Thank you for being there for us just over two years ago when we didn't know which way was up, and for being there to help us up every day since.  This has been a hell of a two-and-a-half years, and we have needed each and every one of you to help keep us going.  

The experience that I went through has profoundly changed me - motherhood, yes, has profoundly changed me - but the PPD in particular has made me hypersensitive to every pregnant woman that I see, every friend that tells me they are expecting.  I live just about all of my life as an open book and always have, and this experience is no different.  I hope that by talking about what I went through, I help at least one person not feel ashamed or embarrassed or like they have to hide their struggles. Today marks the first time that women all over are shining a light on PPD together, and I hope that this is the first of many times I get to use my experience for good.

So thank you all for everything - the meals, the baby sitting, the phone calls... thank you to Evan, for being the most amazing father, husband and partner from day 1.  You have blown me away and I don't know where I'd be without you.  And thank you to Bex, who made me the mother I am today.  The Warrior Mother that I am today.  It was you that profoundly changed me for the better, and you that keeps changing me every single day.  I love you so much!

 I was proud, happy and overwhelmed with gratitude towards everyone that contributed money, time, and kind words to me.  I loved every second of planning for and executing this night - and can not wait to make next year even bigger and better.  What a night - and the symbolism of it - a virtual army of Warrior Moms all spending the brightest day of the year focusing on the journey that motherhood has taken them on - just made it that much more amazing.

I love you, baby girl.

Love always,
Mommy